The roller coaster of publicly funded homebirth, unassisted birth (freebirth), thrush, GBS infection, cervical entropion, second time mum || Tegan's birth of Remi at home (Queensland)

Episode 66 shared by Tegan in Queensland. 

This episode unfortunately, is a roller coaster & I’m so grateful to Tegan for sharing her story. It’s difficult to summarise Tegan’s story into a quick intro, but how’s this - after being accepted and excluded from the local publicly funded program MULTIPLE times in her pregnancy with her second baby, Tegan made the decision to birth at home, unassisted. We talk about so much in this episode too, like GBS diagnoses, antibiotics, gut health, breastfeeding, Cervical ectropion and more. \

Resources: 

• Short cervix info 
• Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering by Dr Sarah Buckley 
• Cervical Ectropion
• First 1000 Days of Life: Consequences of Antibiotics on Gut Microbiota
  • There is SO much info out there on this topic - this is just one article 
• Born at Home: The Documentary 
• Pacific Mother (See the Trailer) 
• Thrush in Pregnancy
• GBS (Group B) Testing 
  • About Group B Strep (GBS) 

Chapters

• 3:51 Pregnancy with Charlie
• 7:43 Labour and Birth of Charlie
• 22:07 Post-Birth Challenges and Hospital Experience
• 30:10 Exploring Home Birth Options
• 34:02 Navigating the Home Birth Program
• 40:00 Advocating for Yourself in Healthcare
• 52:16 The Rollercoaster of Home Birth Approval
• 1:02:00 Trusting Intuition
• 1:06:00 Preparing for Unassisted Birth: Education and Support
• 1:20:00 The Birth Experience: A Journey of Empowerment

Transcript

0:02

Welcome to Birthing at Home, a podcast. I'm Elsie, host. I'm a home birth mom of two little boys, a doula in Melbourne supporting birth at home. I'm a mental health nurse and the co-creator of Home Birth Victoria. If you want to learn more about me, the podcast, all my work, check out www.birthingathome.com.au. Before we begin, I would like to acknowledge the Wurundjeri people who are the traditional custodians of the land I'm recording on in Ngaam, Melbourne, Australia. I would also like to acknowledge the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples have been birthing at home on country for tens of thousands of years prior to the British invasion and acknowledge that sovereignty has never been ceded. This is episode 66 and it's shared by Teagan in Queensland. This episode, unfortunately, is a roller coaster and I'm so grateful to Teagan for sharing her story. It's really difficult to summarize this story into a quick intro, but how's this? After being accepted and excluded from the local publicly funded home birth program multiple times in her pregnancy with her second baby, Teagan made the decision to birth at home unassisted. We talk about so much more in this episode too, like GBS diagnoses, antibiotics, gut health, breastfeeding, cervical ectropion, and even more. I really hope you enjoyed this episode. Welcome Teagan to Birthing at Home, a podcast. Thank you, thanks for having me. Thank you for joining with me, joining me and being patient for the past too long trying to sort out this podcast stuff. And also early in the morning for you, cause you're in Queensland. Yes. But that's okay because my baby has me up at 5 a.m. So it's not that early. So I'm like halfway through your day then. Do you want to start off by giving a bit of an overview about who you are, who's new family, that kind of thing? Yeah, so I'm Teagan. I'm based on the Sunshine Coast. I am a doula and I'm also a Pilates instructor. I have two little bobbers. I have Charlie who is two and a half, so not really a bobber anymore. And then Remy who's six months old. Yeah, amazing. And so you had Charlie in hospital. And then you had Remy at home. Yeah, cool. I suppose what I usually start off with is like, how did you know or find out about home birth, especially Charlie being born in hospital late is home birth something that you've always known about or you're only learned about later. I know, I would say that I learned about it after having Charlie. I guess I knew that it was a thing. I sort of became fascinated with birth a few years before I had Charlie. I was very much interested in the natural physiological approach to birth, but home birth wasn't in my realm. And then I think it was after Charlie, I got even more obsessed with birth and then started to hear about home birth. And then of course, once I went down the dual route training, I learned about it even more. And then I got to when I was training, one of my trainee births was a home birth and that was pretty incredible experience. And then after that, was like, no, that's what I want for myself. Yeah, what a gift. a gift. Imagine if all like midwives got to see home birth because most midwives don't even get to see home birth. Exactly, was, yeah, it really was a gift, yeah. Yeah, brilliant. And so you did your doula training after you hired Charlie? Yes. Yeah, cool. Do you want to walk us through a bit of the journey with pregnancy and the birth with Charlie then? Yeah. So we were traveling Australia in a caravan at the time. We'd just not long gotten married and yeah, it seemed like the right time to start trying. I was pretty obsessed with birth already, as I mentioned, you know, I think I started the normal route of watching One Born Every Minute, which now I would cringe up, but you start there and then you delve into listening to Australian birth stories. And so by the time we were actually trying to conceive, I was like, down the rabbit hole obsessed and yeah we were lucky to fall pregnant quite easily and yeah it was a pretty smooth pregnancy. guess initially it was a bit tricky traveling and trying to see you know get into the doctor to get things confirmed or seeing a different doctor everywhere I went. And I knew enough to know that I wanted to get into MGP and I knew you needed to be referred straight away and these rural doctors just didn't get it. You know, the first doctor was like, oh no, no, you don't get referred until 20 weeks. And I was like, mm, right. Okay. I'm not getting anywhere with you. And then we obviously kept traveling. And then the next doctor, I tried again and they were like, oh no, no, not until you're 12 weeks. And then finally this, um, elderly doctor that I'd seen, he like hand wrote me a letter, which wasn't suffice, but I appreciated his effort. And in the end, just gave up on it. And it wasn't until I got back to the sunny coast, I think I was about 13, 14 weeks and my GP referred me but I missed out. But what the heck? my goodness. So, so you're traveling around and like, did you, because your address, your residential address was on the sunny coast. Were you still sort of, restricted as to where you could access that model of care if you were, it been successful, like when you're traveling, like, can you sort of like, you know, what if you were on the other side of the country? Like how, do you know how that would work? think because our plan was always to be home, like we were only traveling at that time. I don't think it's a restriction based on who can refer you, because obviously our home residence is still the Sunshine Coast. We have a house here, we were renting it out, so we knew that we had somewhere to go home to. So I don't think it was a concern, I think it was just that the places that I were, maybe they didn't have MGP there and they just didn't really get what I was asking for. Yeah that was really tricky. And I just kind of gave up on pushing on it. And I thought if it's meant to be, I'll get it once I get home and we were home earlier than planned, but I was still too late, which is a shame. That's okay. I, I had actually looked into a student doula for myself and had one lined up. Cause I thought, well, if I don't get into MGP, I've got a bit of continuity. she was lovely and all sounded good. And we said, why don't we catch up in person when I get back to the sunny coast. But by the time then I'd reached out to her again when I was back, she was actually pregnant and she was too far along. Oh, I know. And I was like, oh, OK. And then, you know, I just thought it's just it'll be fine. It'll be fine. So I just rolled with it. So I was just in basic model of care. And yeah, it was a pretty straightforward pregnancy, to be honest. I was just like, yeah, loved researching birth. Absolutely obsessed. and felt really empowered and I didn't know throughout the pregnancy. It's like, am I being naive? Like, I really feel like I've got this. I really want a physiological birth. Felt really good about it. And yeah, like it ended up being a great birth. So yeah, there's nothing particularly notable about the pregnancy. Yeah. Were you also doing your Pilates and whatnot? Like has that been something you've done for a while or? Pilates I always taught on the side. I was working in weddings at the time. I worked in a wedding venue. And they were really, cause I was actually doing a little bit of admin work while we were traveling, which I was really grateful for, for them. And then when we came back, I was back in the office and then I would teach Pilates like of an evening. Yeah. So I worked up until 37 weeks. There actually was a little, now it's coming back to me, there was a little moment towards the end where I had some extra scans because my BMI was considered underweight pre-pregnancy. was completely healthy, but it was just, you know, one of those things. Exactly. And yeah, some extra scans to check that the baby was growing fine, which yet unnecessary. But in my most, my last one at 34 weeks, they noticed that my cervix had started shortening and which can be normal, but I had been having some like cramps here and there, like period pain cramps. And so then there was like this big alarm put on me like, she might go into preterm labor. And that caused it quite a bit of anxiety actually at the end. So I did finish up work. I think in the end it was about 36 or almost 37 weeks. And isn't it funny how you for all that time, I'm just like praying that the baby doesn't come early, like go to full gestation and then as soon as you hit 37, you're like, okay, you can come now. I like right up until 40 weeks, you know? my goodness. whether any like particular, you know, aiming for that, I guess, yeah. Like vaginal physiological birth with Charlie, were there any like resources or anything that you felt were particularly helpful? Like, did you do any like birth education or stuff like that? Yeah, I didn't actually do any, like I didn't do hip and birthing or anything. We did do the hospital birthing course, which was, you know, it's what you expect. I actually went in with pretty low expectations and I was actually pleasantly surprised to be honest. It was good for my husband just to get a feel for, and I think we already went in knowing that I didn't want, I would prefer to avoid a medical intervention wherever possible. So it's not like we're really going in to learn about that. But I did read... gosh, what is that book? I'm having a total mental blank. She's a GP, a New Zealand GP. Oh yeah. Sarah Buckley. Sarah Buckley, her book, the name's lost to me as well, but it was such an incredible book all about the birthing hormones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. insightful. Loved that. Listened to just lots of podcasts like I was binging Australian birth stories and yeah, just reading out wherever I could. just, I loved reading. What else did I read? Nah, lost on me. It's okay. But yeah, I went in feeling pretty empowered and knowledgeable. Yeah, yeah. And so you had those sort of cramps with chart like, you know, maybe cramps at 34 ish weeks, but you got past 37. When did you actually go into labour with Charlie? I went into labor at 39 plus six. Just before. Yeah. If I did the enough according to the hospital is actually 39 and five. So I never know what to say there. I was, I didn't even realize I was following a different due date. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, right up until term. Yeah. So, um, yeah, do you want me to quickly delve into the story? Yeah. Okay. Um, so yeah, I'd, I'd had lots of period cramps leading up even from 37 weeks. And I guess with, you know, going into, was like, expect to go to 42. But then once I had that rush put on me that I might go into preterm labor, all of a sudden, like 37 weeks became my due date in my head. I felt really overdue by the time he got to 40. So yeah, lots of cramps leading up. And then I woke up, I was 39 and six or 39 and five, woke up in the middle of the night to pee and didn't notice anything, just went back to bed. Like my theory is to keep the light off, keep your eyes closed so that you can go back to sleep after you pee. And then I got back into bed and just noticed I was a little bit uncomfortable. Like just couldn't get back to sleep, bit more crampy. So I went back to the toilet and I'd noticed that I'd had my bloody show and I was so excited, right? The first time I was like, bring it on, like so ready for it. Yeah. Rushed into my husband, like, look, you know, so excited. He's like, is everything okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. And then at some point after that, I think that was about 3.30 in the morning. Some point after that, I started having some contractions. And I intended to stay at home for as long as possible. Like I'd had the mother's blessing. I had my candles. I had everything ready for this nice long labor at home. But I was bleeding quite a lot. And I thought based on my research, I feel like this is the normal after a bloody show. So I called the hospital and had a chat to them and just sort of explained as best I could the amount that I was losing. And they were like, it does sound a little bit more than usual. Do you want to just come in to get checked? I was like, yep, okay, yeah, I'll come in and we'll get everything checked. And it wasn't like ideal because obviously that adrenaline starts coursing and I'm sort of like, I just, you know, I just want everything to be okay. This is not how I thought it would go. Yeah. But anyway, said to my husband, we're good. Like let's get in the car, we'll go and get checked. We'll come home. Everything will be fine. I packed my bag just in case. was like, my husband was like, oh, we might be taking bags, right? Cause we'll likely be coming home. And I'm like, well, I'm just going to pack my bag just in case they made me stay for whatever reason. He didn't pack his. And so we made a coffee. I got my heat pack. We jumped in the car and it was actually like such a beautiful drive to the hospital. Like it was, the sun was like just starting to creep in and That's a real, you know, feeling of like, my God, we're going to meet our baby soon. Like I have such fond memories of that, but definitely expecting to come home. And I think it's about a 25 minute drive to the hospital and my contractions were coming on like a little more intense. And I did start having to stop conversation when they would come, you know, like, I'd only been in labor for what an hour or so at that point. And I would pause and I would breathe through it was all good. And then we'd go back to chatting and my mom, my mom was meant to be coming and invited my mom to be at the birth and she lives five hours away. Yeah. And I had text her when I woke up, I said, just FYI, like I've, there's some signs, but don't stress. Like once you wake up, maybe like get your stuff together, make your way. you know, your first lay was go forever. So they say, and all of a sudden my husband was like, hey your contractions are three minutes apart like you do realize that So you're still in the drive? You're still driving? We were almost there and I was like, oh true. Okay. Maybe I should call mom. And so we were almost at the hospital and I called and my dad answered. He's like, Hey T, you okay? I'm like, yeah, yeah. Um, I'm just, we're just going in to get checked. But like, I just think maybe mom should get on the road. He's like, yeah, no worries. She's already out having a shower. She'll hit the road. And I was like, all right, got to go about to have a contraction and did the call. So I was like, right, ditch that thought. Like she's on her way. It's all good. And yeah, we got in there and they put me in an observation room. This isn't the least favorite part, like bright lights on, like fair enough. They were just trying to check the source of bleeding, but they left me in there for ages, just like standing around. They put the CTG on, which is, you know, routine. Yeah. Because I was contracting fairly intensely at that point, I had to keep moving and they kept losing Bob's heart rates and they're like delaying how long because they, you know, have to get a good read. And it just kept going. I had like the diarrhea happening by that point. on the toilet having contractions, they finally got around to having a look and they confirmed that the bleeding was because I have an atropine cervix. Do you know what that is? No. It's it sounds scary than it is. My understanding of it, my layman's turn understanding is that some of the cells that normally grow on the inside are on the outside and it can just make you more prone to bleeding. What about this? Yeah. So I guess your cervix is a bit more sensitive. And I did already know this because I'd had a lot of spotting in between periods in the past and I also have endometriosis. So I was like, okay, I thought that might've been the reason. So that's good to know that it's all good. I was just bleeding a bit more. But then she's like, and also your four to five centimeters. Whoa, and I just looked at her I was like, oh, so I'm not going home? And was like, no. was like, um, my mom is four and a half hours away. Is she going to make it? She was just like, maybe. So that was a big shock. remember my husband like, you're joking. Like, what do you mean? You know, it had been all of two and a half hours. Yeah. So yeah. And then it definitely moved quickly from there. Once they put me in my own room, the lights were off. was like, go time. wasn't talking anymore. I was definitely in it. I was very inward. But yeah, it was pretty straightforward from there. Honestly, it was fast moving. I got into the shower for a bit. I felt absolutely no reprieve in the shower. because it felt like my hips were breaking apart. But I really like I didn't really have any crisis of confidence, which I'm surprised because, you know, fast labors, they're hard and fast. Yes, it was full on. The only thing I do remember thinking was like, right, we're not having any more children. This is it. I'll do this, but I won't do it again. Yeah. And then I remember at one point being like, I think I want to get in the pool. And my husband said internally, he was like, it's too early, it's too early, but he didn't want to say that to me. Yeah. But yeah, the midwife, she's like, okay, but just so you know, it's going to be 20 minutes before you can get in, you know, by filling it. And my goodness, did those 20 minutes drag. Like I was just in it in the shower, you know, when it's just consuming you and nothing's helping. And I was very like, I didn't really call on anyone. I was just like in my own zone. Yeah. And then I remember when they finally said the pool was full, they laughed afterwards that I basically ran there, know, the throes of labor and just like ran to the bar and jumped my way in. And that was so much like that provided so much relief. Yeah, I was that woman that got in there and just went, my God, like I think the weightlessness when it's in your hips. But yeah, I did have a bit of gas. then at some point I did start Pushing but you even with hindsight and even with more knowledge now I honestly don't know whether it was the fetal ejection reflex or whether I was Giving a bit of a push because it provided a bit of reprieve. Yes know feeling when you kind of want to be able to do something with your contractions. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and so I remember them in by saying he pushing away Maybe you know, yeah, yeah, and then yeah that went on for a while and then they did a check and he Yeah, he was there. like, hello, baby. Yeah, he's there. Yeah. So that was nice to know that we were close, but his heart rate had been reading a bit low. Like they were doing intermittent monitoring and it had been on the lower side. And I was sort of vaguely aware that this was happening in the background, you know, and that all of a sudden they were sort of like, like there was some concern about it. And a team leader came into the room. I don't recall hearing it but my husband reckons I must have and said to them she needs to get out of the pool. And they were like, okay Teagan, like you've got one more push in here. And I apparently was just like, righto, bring it on and like actively push with all my might. And I think it recorded it was 14 minutes of like second stage of push. I don't know when they counted that from. But yeah, I pushed with all my might which obviously, you know, that's not really great but it did the job and yeah soon enough his head was out which was the feeling, you know, I was sort of on my back and I remember looking down at his head just like bobbing in the water and I for some reason in the moment was like can someone get a photo? I this photo of his head just bobbing in the water. Wow. So the team leader's come in and been like, she's got to get out and you're like, stuff that. And so with that push, like you've managed to push his head out. think so. might have been a couple, but I think because I realized that he was so close, maybe he me get away with it. Yeah. Yeah. And Well, I mean, what are they going to do? Like drag you out? Like you thrashing? you know, they can say whatever they want, but. You know, totally. And credits to the midwives that I had. They were actually great. had a senior and a student and they just let me do my thing. Like they stayed out of my way. And even like I was vaguely aware of his heart rate being on the low end, but they kept being like, it's fine. Like that I could tell they were very much like, she's got this. Let's just let her have a baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. And then, yeah, next, next contraction, he was born and like just, you know, the most unreal feeling I was just brought him up to my chest and It was amazing. But then they sort of were like, I could see they kept sort of checking, trying to get him to do a big cry. He wasn't really, he was sort of like a bit gurgly, making a little bit of noise. And I remember sort of looking at them being like, oh, okay, they're a bit concerned, but like, I felt like everything was fine and kept chatting to him and still, you know, just such on such a high. And then eventually they're like, all right, let's get you out. get you out see if we can get him a bit more responsive out of the pool and you can birth your placenta. And so we got out and I ended up agreeing to the centosin injection for the placenta. I think even professing with that prior bleeding in mind it doesn't like with hindsight I'm like that's not actually a logical reason but in the moment I was like yeah. Yeah, yeah, But yeah, they then still, they just weren't happy with his breathing. And in the end they said, look, we're to have to take him and observe him. So they took him over to the little bed and they were giving him some oxygen and trying to get him to just breathe it better. Like they just, he was just doing a bit of rapid breathing. I think, yeah. Anyway, like my, student midwife was like, look, he's going to be fine. She was really reassuring, but I can still remember this moment where the high started to like fizzle, know, little bit. oh, like this is, I've had this amazing birth and now my baby's over there sitting here watching. Uh, he just didn't, he didn't get to the point that they wanted him to. And then they ended up saying, look, we're to have to take him to the special care unit. Yeah. So yeah, was really sad. I'd say my mum missed the birth. I think that was a given. She actually turned up like not long out like whilst all this. Yeah, cool. And she's like walked into the room and she's like, whose baby is that? And I'm like, that's my baby. But when your mom arrives, you get a bit emotional. I think all of a sudden she's like, are you okay? I'm like, oh yeah, like I just, I don't know what's going on really. think he's okay. So anyway, they took him away. My husband went with him to the special care. And my mom stayed with me. Meanwhile, I had to get some stitches because I had some tears. So like that whole thing was pretty like then sobering. You're like sitting there getting stitched up. Your baby's not with you. You're worrying about them. And then I'm saying to the midwife, like, I just want to go and see my baby. And she's like, why don't you have something to eat? Why don't you have a shower? I'm like, I just want to go and see my baby. Like, I just don't really care. Yeah. In the end, she got a message to say that he'd come good. which was great and that they would be coming back. she did convince me to have a shower. And when they came back in the room, was like, you know, I just bursting into tears being reunited with my husband and my baby. And I think it was, I think it was an hour or maybe not even quite an hour. And then look from there, it was great. We were good. However, in that time they put CPAP on and they'd also given him preventative antibiotics because they were concerned there might be an infection. causing this, know, lavid breathing is the term. And so then he was on 48 hours antibiotics and Is that something that consent wise that they'd discussed with your husband? Yeah, okay, but you hadn't been consulted in that whole thing. No. Wow. And look at no grievances towards my husband like he's first time dad and he's- He's like, yeah, just do whatever. But he literally came good like that, right? Like he wasn't even in any extreme circumstances. He just had some labor breathing that they weren't happy with. They took him away. He came good pretty quickly, but they gave him the antibiotics anyway. And I'm so sick of the word antibiotics because in this pregnancy I've spoken about it so much, but it was really, it ended up being like, there was repercussions to that, right? Like they give them too freely and it destroyed Charlie's gut. and we had a really hard journey with sleep and me like having to restrict my diet. Like the postpartum was beautiful but it was really hard. Well, and so like we think when you said that he was gone for that hour, so he was essentially gone from you from that golden hour in terms of like breastfeeding and stuff like that. When did that like, how does that all match up with him being gone and giving antibiotics? Like what happened there? Yeah. So whilst he was gone, we did start collecting some colostrum to give to him. and so they were planning to go and take it so that Cameron could give it to him if he needed it. But thankfully he came back quick enough and they said, why don't we just put, put him to your breast? And thankfully breastfeeding kicked off really easily. Actually, once he was back with me, I was like, I was like, get clothes off me. I want that baby on my chest. Yeah latched, he started breastfeeding and he, I remember he stayed there for over an hour, which was great. So I feel like we sort of made up for that time, you know, and I'm really grateful that our breastfeeding journey, as far as the actual physical feeding was really smooth from there. So that wasn't disrupted by that separation. And to be honest, I was so grateful to have had a positive birth because those hormones like kept me on a high. With hindsight, I realized it was a bit traumatic. Yeah. the repercussions of what they did, but I still reflect so fondly on that experience. And you know, in the moment you're just like, oh, they just did what they needed to do. My baby's now. It's all good. Like he's fine. So yeah, but yeah, it was sort of once we got home, we realized, like, I remember thinking like, hang on, like, we actually can't put our baby down. Like as soon as we put him on his back, he's like screaming, is this normal? Like, I know that you expect babies not to sleep, but. What am I actually going to do? Like, of course, safe sleep and all of those practices. Like I'd had it in my head that we'd never go to sleep and all these things. And yeah, he just didn't sleep laying down like we for the first couple of weeks, we just to take it in turns. It was mainly me sitting up holding him. He It progressively got a little bit better, but he was always like every one to two hours waking. And I can remember like he started to get this really bloated belly and at about like six weeks when he had his six week checkup and we chose to vaccinate and he had his vaccinations. I remember saying to the GP like he's got a really hard bloated belly. I'm like starting to think there might be some intolerances here because I'd done some of my own research with all of his like colicky symptoms. She was like, look at him. He's stuck it on the way. He's fine. I was like, okay, fair enough. Cause he was putting on weight. He was sort of the other end of the spectrum and And then it just like the sleep got worse. And I remember engaging a holistic sleep consultant because I'm like, I'm absolutely not about personally sleep training any, any extremities, but I just want to know what we can do to help him sleep and help me get some sleep. Yeah. And she came out to our house and she was like, he's got gut issues. Like we're not going to be able to address sleep until you address his gut. Wow. And so, yeah, we just went down this like windmill of, we ended up at a chiropractor. were seeing all these specialists. I my diet reduced down to one point I was literally eating I think lamb, potatoes, cashew nuts and black coffee. Like a lot of it. Like it's not like I was depriving myself of food, but we were seeing a pediatric allergist who was recommending. It was just a really hard journey. And we basically put that down to him being given antibiotics. Just destroyed his little gut. Yeah. Yeah, that's a big part of his story and then a big part of the story into Remy's pregnancy and birth. Yeah. At what point were you thinking next time I don't want to give birth in a hospital? how was that journey to finding home birth, especially because it wasn't super like on your personal radar before Charlie, when did that sort of come into the picture? Yeah. So I think because I still see the birth as so positive and I felt so like empowered and proud and capable, I think it just delved me more into the birth world. And obviously the more birth stories I listened to, the more I listened to home birth stories. I was like, that sounds pretty cool. Like I could absolutely do that. You know, I think a lot of first time moms, they just assume that that's not a safe option for them. Yeah. It came on my radar at some point. can't recall a moment that it did. think it was just being consuming my like a surrounding myself with this world. And then when I decided to become a doula, I think I was about six months postpartum. Um, and I've been told that my workplace, the wedding venue, they'd actually sold the land to a developer. So I knew a year in advance that they were going to be closing down, which was honestly fine. I love them and they've moved on to another business that suits them. And I felt like I was ready for change. So was like kind of this nice like, cool. All right. I'm going to start thinking about what I want to do next. And I explored, I thought about midwifery, but in the end I thought, no, why don't I become a doula first? And now, it's now that I am a doula, wouldn't personally don't feel like the midwife paths for me. yeah, then I think once I started my doula training as well, just. I was like, yeah, you know what, I want a home birth next time. And then I think Charlie was probably about, he would have been like a year and three months. And when I attended the home birth as a trainee doula. And after that, and like, was just, even to this day, I would say it was probably the most straightforward birth I've attended. at one other home birth and I've been at beautiful hospital births as well. Like it predominantly is supported in hospital. Yeah, but. just to see how easily it unfolded. There wasn't excessive monitoring. They're not trying to medicalize everything. They're just letting it happen. of course, they're there. Well, I was with the couple for quite a while before the midwife came. the husband and I, we basically just had to sit back and let her do her thing. And she just had it, right? And then even once the midwives arrived, of course, they were doing their checks they needed to do. They just knew that she had it in the bag and like, I think being in her own environment just allowed her to relax. And it was just like, so incredible, right? And then her just having a baby and then getting tucked up in her bed and we brought her food and she was just like, she got helped to have a shower and then back in a bed. It's like, this is unreal. Like this is the way it should be, or at least this is a beautiful way for it to unfold. And not many people realize this is an option. Yeah, although it's possible not just an option but like birth can actually be like that Exactly. And she was a first time mom, like full credit to her. did hip note birthing. She got a doula. She got a private midwife. Like she's a beautiful women's health physio. So she's like in the sphere of helping women. think that. And yeah, I think I'd already had it in my head. And then after seeing that, I was like, that'll be me next time. Like, that's what I want. And I said to my husband, I want a home birth. Why don't we start? We should start putting away money for a private midwife. So when the time comes, it doesn't feel like such an outlay. Yeah. we weren't so good at actually making that happen. He was like, yeah, yeah, sounds great. And then we didn't. But yeah, that was sort of how I came to the decision of wanting to have a home birth. Yeah. Do you want me to sort of move on? So Remy is six months. So does that mean that was the sunshine, the Univ of the Sunshine Coast home birth program happening when you were pregnant with Remy or did was that a bit late? No, it, so a month before we conceived, they announced the program that it was coming. Yeah. So they said, think they said it's coming June or July. Yeah. Remy was born in August. So that sort of changed my trajectory. I remember when I heard that, I think I was at a birth screening. There was a birth film on, can't remember which one it was. And there was like a discussion, panel discussion afterwards and they brought up that it was coming. Yeah. Was it the born at home doco? No, it wasn't bought at home. didn't see bought at home, I think it was one, was like about based in water with a Pacific mother. Pacific mother. Yeah. Yeah. Where they go to the different islands and stuff and like the Japanese and like Mauro. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Cool. Cool. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. I was there with a fellow doula friend and yeah, they started talking about it at the end and I knew that we were going to try for a second soon and I was sort of like, And you know, my brain was like, Oh my goodness. I could get my home birth without having to pay, know, this entire thing. And so, yeah, I sort of started getting really excited about that and told my husband. And of course like I, Logically was like, you know, don't expect this program to be perfect. A you've got to get into it B It's not it's not the same as private midwife and I know that but yeah, I still was like this is exciting And I was thinking like why wouldn't they accept me, you know As much as what happened with Charlie afterwards in there might their eyes my birth was really straightforward my first birth my first birth was pretty straightforward as far as the you actual birthing laboring and birthing and You know, I'm going to apply straight away. Like I can't really see why they wouldn't accept me. I'm a second time mom, you know, I felt like I ticked all the boxes. And so yeah, we can see you to the next month or, know, whenever it was. And no joke, I peed on a stick one day. I booked into my doctor the next day and I was like, I want you to refer to me to this home birth program. She didn't even know it was a thing. Yeah. I was like, knowing last time, you know, I didn't get into MGP because I kept getting knocked back. I was like, I want to apply now. She's like, yep, cool. Let's do it. So she referred me. but it was a pretty long journey before I heard anything. Yeah. Anything from there. but the first trimester was a bit of a journey, and sort of has a big role in how it ended. So you're happy for me to say. Yeah. Yeah. so yeah, it got referred. All was good. And then. I ended up with some thrush symptoms. think I was about maybe seven or eight weeks. And interestingly, I think I actually got thrush after attending a really long birth. yeah. And you know, you're already at higher risk of thrush when you're pregnant due to the hormones. Yeah, yeah. Then I was just there for a really like it was quite a long labor. I think I was there for I was there for over 24 hours. Wow. And wearing synthetic fabrics, which is, you know, like, like, And like, you shower in that time, like just not ideal. Not ideal and ended up waking up with thrush. And I think after a few days, it was Christmas time. So I was busy. in the end, I thought I should go to the chemist and get something for this. And they said, you know, go to your GP and get checked that it's not BV or thrush. BV. versus thrush because obviously the treatment protocols are different. So I was like, yep, okay, booked into my GP. She said, let's do a swab to check whether it's thrush or BB. And while I was there, I also said, just so you know, I've had a little bit of spotting the last few days, but I'm not really concerned because I had spotting with Charlie and it was all good. And I have this ectropion cervix, which is prone to spotting. And she was sort of like, mm, okay. do you maybe just want to get your HCG checked again to check that it's still going up? I was like, yeah, okay, like that's not particularly invasive. It doesn't impact the baby. Like why not? So got the swab done and then I went and got my blood stone and then was just awaiting her call. And I think it was two days later she called and when I answered I could tell straight away that like she was like, how, so how are you? And I was like. I'm good. I feel really sick. Like I had really bad nausea in both my pregnancies. I feel really sick, but like yeah, like otherwise good. And she's like, okay, so like any more bleeding? And I was like, no, actually not really any more spotting. She was like, okay, like why, what's wrong? She's like, your HCG has actually dropped. And like this is before the point where your HCG is meant to level out. Like it was just before. Probably would have been around nine weeks then, nine and a half weeks. And of course like your heart just sinks. I'm like, wow, like am I having a miscarriage right now? You know, spotting plus HCG dropping. But in the same breath, I was like, I feel so sick. Like that day was probably the day that I felt the sickest. was the only time I ever had to cancel a Pilates class because I was teaching Pilates as my main job by then. And I'm like, it just doesn't make sense. You know, in my head so. But then also I was like, okay, and what about the swab? And she's like, yep, so you do have thrush. You've also come back as GBS positive. I was like, okay. But I guess the priority of that phone call was that I was potentially having a miscarriage. So that was sort she was like, you just need to take a course of antibiotics for the GBS and it'll all be good. And I was like, okay. you know, I, being a doula, I knew a bit about GBS. But you know, my doula trainer always says like, it's not your job to know about every medical condition. That's not your role. And I sort of knew, I knew it was in my head. was like, okay, red flag, GBS, but let's deal with that later. And so I went and had, I got in for an urgent scan that day. Cause I thought, yeah, she said, I would recommend you go and get a scan and see what's happening. thought, yeah, I'd rather know what's happening in cases like a missed, missed character. And thankfully Bob was fine. It was, yeah. Bizarre. Bizarre. All good. was obviously just that my HCG was leveling a bit earlier than we had in the next......about 10 to 12 weeks it starts to level. Yeah, were you pretty confident that you were like, like nine weeks or whatever, like they thought you were? Yeah, I was based on like conception dates and our dating scans and that. Like I felt like it was pretty on the mark. And it did. And well, who's to say, right? had to, yeah. But yeah. So thankfully it was such a relief like driving to that ultrasound was so such a bizarre feeling. Of course. of me is like, I feel so sick. Surely everything's fine. Yeah. other part of me is like, Yeah. But. Yeah, so thankfully went away from that scan, all was good, but then my mind switched to GBS and I was doing some more research and trying to understand, hang on, because she presented it to me that I had a GBS infection. Researching on like, hang on, am I GBS positive or do I do have a GBS infection because I don't feel ill? Like I was very confused. But I thought, and I really wanted to Obviously with Charlie's story, I really wanted to avoid antibiotics in this pregnancy, particularly in the labor and post. But I'm thinking in my head, well, if it's going to get rid of this infection now, and this isn't going to be a red flag for the actual, the rest of the pregnancy and labor, I'd rather deal with it now and work on my gut health and everything through pregnancy. And so I had a call with her again two days later and she's like, I'm so sorry. Obviously everything was fine with the scan. Let's talk about GBS. And I said, so sorry, can I just confirm? Am I GBS positive, given that I'm just positive to have this bacteria present in my body, which, you know, one out of three women have, or do I have an infection? She said, I know you have an infection. I'm like, right, okay, no worries. So I took the antibiotics and naturally my thrush didn't cut away, it got worse with the antibiotics. And I went back like a week or so later and had to see a different doctor because my doctor was away. Yeah. And she did another swab because I'm like something like I just don't feel right down there. Like should we do another swab and see what's going on? She's like, yep, you still got thrush and you still GBS positive. So you just need to take another course of antibiotics at some point. And I'm like, but I've just taken a course of antibiotics and it hasn't worked. It's just flared up all my issues. Like she's like, you just have antibiotics in labor. Like it's all good. Just leave it. And I think it was after that that I was like, right, I'm going to approach this from a different lens. The medical route isn't working for this. They're just jumping antibiotics. It's not working. I don't want to flare anything up even more. So I actually ended up having a consult with a prenatal nutritionist who's very holistically minded. And I chatted to her A about the thrush because I had recurring thrush at this point and B about the GBS. And she was like, we can... you know, she was very much of the mind that we can absolutely resolve the thrush and the GBS overgrowth with diet, you know, your gut health is absolutely impaired at this point, which I know after having antibiotics. Yeah. Yeah, we can absolutely resolve this. You could go and get retested with GBS and probably be negative. We know that obviously it's a transient bacteria. anyway, so I just decided I did that. did the diet changes. I felt really good. The thrush was gone like almost immediately. And then from there, I just decided to leave it because I thought GBS in Queensland, it's not even something that's routinely tested for. Like they don't routinely test for it. So there would be any number of women birthing with GBS without. So I just left it, but I kept following up. Am I in this home birth program? Like I'm not hearing anything. Yeah. So by this time, you you're like around 12 ish weeks or? Yeah, yeah. So when I had, I think I was 14 weeks when I had the nutrition consult. Yeah. And so yeah, getting into my second trimester, like, but was tracking fine. Yeah. All was good. My nausea was a burden, but it was like very slowly starting to ease. Yeah, but then you've been waiting for like a month at this point really for the Home Birth Program to sort of give you some sort of response. yeah, like think I applied at five weeks. Yeah, I remember by 15 weeks. I'm like, come on, surely, like surely they wouldn't have even had many candidates. Why wouldn't they just be like, why wouldn't they be saying yes to me? And of course, because otherwise I wanted to explore private midwives. like, yeah, that like ticks, but yeah, exactly. Exactly. And I'm like, look, if I'm not in, just want to know, you know, so that I can start saving for a private midwife and go down that route. Cause I was really adamant that I was having a home birth. And then, yeah, I think it was about 15 or 16 weeks. I followed up again and they were like, it actually looks like you're outside of the catchment, the 30 minute catchment. And I was like gobsmacked because I didn't even consider that I was too far away from the hospital. And They go by the ambulance maps and it's 25 to 30 minutes, I will say. It's 25 to 30 minutes trip to the hospital, pending traffic. So maybe they were more generous with their allowance for time, only over 30 minutes. But yeah, it's pretty devastated. And then it took them so long to get back to you because of that. That's so annoying. so annoying. just kept following up like just let me know I just want an answer So that was out of the question at that point. Yeah, and so that and I started exploring private but obviously like, you know We all know that private midwives. It's it's costly granted. They're so worth it like it's worth every penny, but they are an expense So yeah, I chatted to a couple of private midwives and I picked one that I really loved and jelled with and we paid for a prenatal consult with her. And then, and I felt really good about it. Like I was like, yep, you know, I want this home birth. She seems amazing. And she was like, I discussed the GBS with her and she's like, everything is your choice. You know, I wouldn't even be testing for that anyway. That's not going to change anything for me. know, she was very of the mind that it's one of those things that you can't control. And yeah, then leading up to, I think it was about 21 weeks, you pay a big deposit to secure the continuity of care, which again is of course valid. Leading up to it though, for some reason, I just, I kept like questioning, this the right decision? Like, and I felt like once we got past that barrier, of course you pay that big deposit and it's non-refundable, which of course is also fair enough. For some reason, I just kept feeling like, Why does this not feel like suddenly the right choice? It was nothing to do with the midwife and In that time I got a call from the hospital and it was my favorite midwife that I'd worked alongside to date as a doula Calling to say hey just letting you know that I'm I've got a spot in MGP with me as your primary midwife Like would you like to take it up? I was like, why did I get this call right now? Cosmo has never seemed like an option for me. But suddenly I'm questioning this private route and I get a call from like she was the midwife I was hoping to get if I got into the home birth program, you know, suddenly get a call from you offering me a spot in your care. And it was it tormented me when I tell you it tormented me, you know, I was like, what am I doing? what where would you have in your mind? Choosing here? And in the end, I just decided I actually just need breathing room like. I can't lock into private midwifery right now. I can't lock into that route for some reason. There's something blocking me. So I just said that to the beautiful midwife. like, I'm so sorry, but like both for financial reasons and just, you know, it just doesn't feel right. Can we just delay it? Of course I know that you'll likely book someone else like that. You've got to do what you've got to do. But there's a block here. So I'm going to leave it and I'm going to take up this MGP option while it's available and went on that route. And I just, It was in my head. was like, it is what it is. And I actually said to my husband, because he was very much like, just go to the hospital, it's free. You know, you've got a great midwife, you'll be fine. You'll just have the baby. Like, it's all good. We don't need to spend suddenly he's like, yeah, we don't need to spend six and a half grand. And I was like, well, you know what? I just want you to be prepared that I might have this baby at home. anecdotally, secondly, there's a quick out my first labor was all of six hours and Secondly, if I get to transition quickly, I know the absolute last thing I'm going to want to do is get in the car and go to the hospital. I just know that my instincts are going to be like, no. So just be prepared that if we go this route, there's every chance that I'll have this baby at home with nobody here. And he's like, okay. You like not, you know, he's like, well, can you not like, can we make it to the hospital? Yeah. You know, so that was already in my head. but yeah, we kept tracking along the pregnancy was like tracking fine. Bob was going great. was just so busy the second time with, know, when you've got to like running around, especially a little bob as well, like a littler bob at that point as well. Yeah, very consuming. was still breastfeeding up until about, I think I stopped breastfeeding when I was about nine weeks. Wow. But yeah. And then in that time I attended, I was still attending births as a doula. One of my clients was in MGP and she had a lovely midwife and I got chatting to her just about the home because she could see I was pregnant. She's like, what are you doing? You what's your route? So I actually applied for the home birth program, but I got knocked out and she was like, is your surname Shepherd? And I was like, yeah. Like, yeah, I've seen your file. I'm actually in charge of the home birth program. I'm really sorry about the fact that, you know, the radius thing, blah, blah, blah. And nothing else came of it. We just had a chat and she was like, great. I was really impressed with her care. Yeah. And then two weeks later, I get this random call from her to say, hey, We have extended the catchment area and I'd love to offer you a spot in my care. What? I was like, what? Like it was like the greatest day of my life. What? That's how it felt in that moment. I was like, oh my gosh, everything happens for a reason. This is why I didn't sign up to the private care. You this is why had all that torment. And it felt so, it felt great. So yeah, I was in it. It just was awesome. We kept tracking. had a couple of appointments with her and like she was honest in her appointments just being like, you know, this is a trial program. So just be aware that, there are reasons you may not end up having your home birth. of course you're like, it's a bit defeating to hear, but you're like, yeah, I get it. know, it's probably. have to say what they've got to say, I guess. Exactly. But he is hoping it doesn't get to that. the GBS hadn't been brought up at that point because I figured it's on my records. If they want to find it, they can find it. They don't even routinely test for it. So they wouldn't know most people's status. Anyway, so we kept tracking along. And then at 33 weeks, I got a call from her to say, I'm so sorry, but the doctors have been scouring over all of the candidates and found that you tested positive for GBS in your first trimester. my god. removing you from the program. Oh my god, like you're kidding. I was so bummed. So bummed. And she was like, yeah, look, there's I'm like, can I have a meeting with someone to contest this? And she was like, look, you can I can set you up a meeting with the head OB but like your chances of changing. Oh, god. Pretty cautious. But I was like, no, just set me the meeting like I'm not a particularly confrontational person. But I'm like, no. I know my rights, especially working as a doula. Like I see the way they just take control and I don't want that for myself. I to give myself the best shot. And I did all my research. Like I'd read GBS explained by Dr. Sarah Wickham. And I felt like I was doing everything I could to keep my body as healthy as possible. And I should say like, I'm not negating like the very awful implications that can happen with GBS as babies that have died and babies that have become unwell. And that's devastating for those families. But you know, statistics are on our side, like the chances of anything happening are so low. So without delving into it too much, I just went into this meeting and my main thing that I was going to say was, if you're going to, if, if my choice or, you know, my right to me in this program is going to be based on a GBS result, let it be a current one, not one from six months ago. You know, like, how is that even relevant? And In this process, I also had found out that it was actually in my urine as well as in my vagina, which I'd never been told previously, which is what is more of a concern. Okay. But anyway, I went into this meeting and I said that I said, look, I get that these are this can be considered really serious and you're very much on the side of caution here. But this is my choice. I'm doing everything that I can. I'll do everything that I can to minimize the risk to my baby. Can we at least retest? Let's retest and see where I'm at and then re-discuss. But the OB was great. Like he was like, you know what, if you're comfortable birthing, I'm comfortable with you birthing at home. Because the main thing is they can't offer antibiotics at home. said, I don't want antibiotics in labor anyway, which is what they usually do if someone's DBS positive. I don't want antibiotics unless there's other risk factors and my baby is at risk, then sure, I'll consider that. But I don't want that as a standard route of care. and I really want to birth at home. And he was like, yep, look, you're really confident. chance we both, you and I both know the chances, the risk to your baby is really low. There's lots of risks. You know, there's lots of other risks in labor that we're not accounting for here in general. So I'm, you're confident. So I'm confident with you birthing at home. And he gave me the ticket approval to be back in this program. my God. Whoa, and he didn't even want me to retest because he's like, look, it's a transient bacteria, which is the thing, right? Like you can test positive one day and test negative the next day. it's not even a swab isn't even really a reliable source to prove how at risk your baby is. Like any number of women are birthing that are potentially GBS positive at the time, but they just wouldn't know. And yeah, so that was like, I was just like, whoa, I did not expect that outcome. So through back in the program, but my God was very much out. ya. really medicalised this so much already. This pregnancy has not been particularly enjoyable in this sense. Like I haven't been getting this nice exciting lead up. It's just been like so wishy washy. But we were back on. Amazing to hear, my gosh, you advocated for yourself like that and then it like actually paid off. I know right? like so amazing to hear. I thought I was wasting my breath and I should say it's like to preface the meeting I went in and I sat in the waiting room for over an hour with no one tending to me because they had not actually booked in the meeting properly and like I remember like going up to the counter and I was like like what is my meeting happening like what's going on by this point like I'm just a bit nervous and over it and they're like my gosh it wasn't booked in he didn't even know what was happening so going into this meeting I'm like this man doesn't even know who I am probably Why I'm coming? Like, this is not gonna go my way. And anyway, it went in my favour. Wow. my gosh. But also like this whole thing up until this point, like listening to like your intuition and like, this doesn't feel right. And like, I'm going to do this and that's holy moly. Go you. That's so cool. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So yes, I was back in and I was I was so thrilled, but I should say I don't take like, I guess the difference between me and a lot of other women is I was aware that I was GBS positive at some one point in my pregnancy, whereas a lot of women just don't even know their status in Queensland. So I didn't take that knowledge lightly. I was doing what I can with my diet to minimize bacteria overgrowth in my body. And I was very aware that like water birth can minimize your risk of passing anything onto your baby and also risk factors like preterm labor or prolonged rupture of membranes can put your baby at slightly higher risk of contracting an infection, which is what everyone's afraid of. So I wasn't taking all that lightly. It consumed up a lot of headspace in those in that last month or so. As much as I was back in the program, I'm like, right, I need to do what I can to keep myself healthy, keep my babe healthy. and fingers crossed they don't kick me out again for whatever reason. Yeah. my gosh. We just kept, tracking. and like, this is a very new program. No births had happened yesterday. I was going to be one of the first. So even every time I met with my midwife, I could just, even though she was great, the meetings just like, it was just always talking about like the risks of being kicked off. And so it was a bit defeating, you know, like it was really messing with my, my positive energy. And was exhausting. And anyway, we got to just before 37 weeks and they dropped everything off, dropped the birth pool off, you know, all of the equipment. I was like, we have made it. Like, let's do this. We set the birth pool up, like just blew it up, test run. Did you have any of that like random bleeding? No. Cool. I had had, well, I didn't have any extra scans. didn't want any extra scans in this pregnancy. So we went, I'd had lots of period cramp pains in the last trimester. but I didn't read into it this time. You know, I was like, it's just my body preparing them. I know so much more now. I'm like, great. My body's doing what it needs to do to slowly prepare for this labor. You know, your cervix is priming. And so I welcomed those little niggles and that. and but I wasn't I didn't have any concerns about you know preterm labor or anything and yeah really excited had set up all my birth affirmations in my room all of that jazz and then I was uh I think I was 37 and three or 37 and four and I got a call from my midwife again and like when she entered the phone I could just tell where this conversation was going she's like Teagan I'm so sorry but they've just reviewed everything again and they've decided to remove you from the program again and there won't be any changing that again. I just like, I swore, like not obviously directed at my midwife because she's just the messenger. I was just like, you have, can I swear? I was like, you have got to be fucking kidding me. Like what do you mean? I'm literally full term. can have, I could have already had this baby. by now and you're going to remove me from the program on the same premise that we've already been through. But they've already dropped the stuff off! Exactly! I'm like, maybe I should just have this baby tonight. Like, what do you mean? And on top of that, like, you know, it's all about this GBS result, right? And they told me that their main concern was that it was in my urine, but I'd had it checked and what was in my urine was just contamination from my vagina. is like very TMI details. Please, yeah. And I'd actually been in at the hospital, sort of a detail that didn't need to be mentioned, but I was in at the hospital a couple of days prior only because I become really unwell with like some sort of virus from my son. And we were a little bit concerned that I might've had a kidney infection. Just some of the symptoms were a bit funny. So I went in to get checked and they did a urine sample. And I was like, this is going to be interesting if they find anything in this urine sample, like if they find GBS, they might kick me off. Anyway, no GBS on my urine sample that day. Not that they were looking for it, but it would have come up anyway. Yeah. So they're kicking me off this program four days later based on a test result from when I was six weeks pregnant, but my test result from four days prior, it didn't seem to negate that. Like it didn't matter. was just like, no, just policy. This is just purely policy. Like they had some more training with a Melbourne crew that are very medically. And I got off the phone and I had to end the call. I'm like, I'm sorry, I've got to go. And I just burst into tears. Like I was just. gutted. I'm like, what is all of this for? Like what? I was just beside myself and my poor little son's like on my lap going, you okay mommy? Cause I'm just like crying. And I've called my husband like, I've been kicked off. You need to come home. Like he was already on his way home from work. And yeah, I was just beside myself. Like what the actual fuck. And he walked in the room and I was like, fuck this. I'm just going to have this baby at home anyway. He like looked at me. He's like, I thought you'd say that. And I was like, wait, like you're not trying away from that. He's like, well, if you want to, like you can, trust you. And I was just like, what? What do you mean? You know, like I being in the dillow world, of course I know about free births and I'm all for women choosing whatever they, whatever they want to choose. I trust birth. I trust the women to make the right choice, but I wasn't really in the free births sphere and it did not feel like the right choice for me prior to that. Like I hadn't really considered that. Oh no, sorry, I had considered, I remember when I was giving Cameron all the options earlier in pregnancy, I was like, well, if you don't want to pay for a private midwife, the other option is free birth. And he was like, oh no. Yeah. But all of a sudden he was like, I think he'd just seen me go through this whole journey and I realized how much they can just fuck with your head. It's so unethical, this is so unethical. Right like they my pregnancy was so unnecessarily stressful so wishy-washy and so up and down and The way like to mess with the woman's emotions at that point in pregnancy like I just thought I Already didn't want a birth in hospital and now even more. So it is the last place I want to go I don't trust you I don't trust that you're here for me like this decision was not for me or my baby this decision is because You're just trying to cover your ass with policy. know, like this is not the safest route for me. No. Yeah, because like they, my gosh, I mean, we could go on and on and on, but like, I just have never ever understood. So what they kick you off the program this late in pregnancy. really your only choices, quote unquote, are to free birth or to go to the hospital, which you don't want to do. So like, no, no wonder women end up being forced to choose to free birth because Yeah. You've just said, okay, well, like, it's all or nothing. And there's no like middle, there's no individualization. There's no, it's not woman centered care at all. At all. Exactly. And on top of that, with the MGP program, even if you're just in MGP, the continuity of care program, the midwives can come out to your home to do early labor checks. And so sometimes that eventually into an unexpected home birth, right? If it's progressing quickly and they realize they can't get to hospital. But my midwife said to me, I've also just been told flat out, I can't tend to you at home. So not only can you not have a home birth, I can't even come out to you because yeah. What if I, what if like we know, and she'd even said this to the board, like this woman had a really fast first labor. We're speaking anecdotally, it's likely her second labor will be even quicker. It's very likely that she'll, you know, maybe we'd be born before arrival. So I what happens if my labor progresses quickly and I'm at home? And she's like, yeah, I can't, I can't. come out to you, we'll just have to call an ambulance." And I'm like, that is actually absurd. Big factor in why I wanted a home birth as well is I anticipated that this would likely eventuate quickly. And I knew that the last thing I'd want to do is get in a car and drive to the hospital in transition. Because I was very lucky to skip that the first time because we went into hospital earlier than planned. I didn't really have to deal with that. So yeah, my husband and I, I was never completely like, steadfast in like, you're right, we're having this baby at home now. I was like, I'll follow my intuition. If something doesn't feel right, of course I'll transfer into hospital. But if you feel confident that if I feel like this is the right choice and this baby wants to be born at home and I feel good in myself for this baby to be born at home, as long as you feel good in that, then let's do it. You know, because I guess that's the thing is you want, do ideally want the partner to be supportive. You don't want them coming into the space. I trust you, I've seen you birth, like you've got this, you know so much. He's like, just let me go and watch some YouTube videos. I don't know what videos he watched. I was like, wow. Like I was like blown away that he was so on board, but I like respect him so much for that. And yeah, so then from there it was, it was not ideal making that decision at 37 weeks. I have to say like, you know, that's something that when families choose for rebirth, they usually choose that quite early. Yeah, they spend their people think that that's an uneducated choice, but if anything those couples educate themselves more than anyone And so, yeah, I went down like the route of just like, okay, what more do I need to know? What could happen? You know, I listened to a lot of free birth stories in those few weeks and there was a couple of great episodes on the Free Birth Society podcast, just about like newborns first breath and things to look out for and instinctive safety things that to know that as a mother and a mammal, you'll likely do in response to any warning signs. It helped me really trust that I've got everything I need for my baby. And if not, if I feel like something's wrong, then I'll call for help. So yeah, was a wild few weeks. We kept it pretty close to our chest. I said, don't really want to tell anyone this is our decision. I don't want anyone's fear. It's already big enough for us to process. I don't want anyone else's fear creeping in if they know that we're planning for an unassisted birth now. Yeah. And did you have to like return the pool and everything? Yeah, yeah. How depressing. It was so like, and it was a bit awkward after that, like my meetings with my midwife, because I couldn't direct, I couldn't tell her, you know, planning. And I also wasn't like I was, like I'd said, I was very much like, if I feel like I want to transfer to the hospital and that feels safer in there, I'll do it. At least I know I do have a great midwife on my side and she, the whole pregnancy, she was like, you've got this, you're going to like just pop this baby up. She was very supportive of physiology and my you know, believed in me, but it was a bit like I could see she sort of trying to inadvertently ask me like, so what is your plan? Like you are gonna like, you're gonna come into hospital and like, know, it was so awkward. felt like we were dancing around actually saying what we wanted to say. And yeah, everything got picked up. And that was, yeah, that was depressing. don't want you Perth pool anyway. Get it out of my sight, I don't care. yeah, but then the lead up to birth, I felt pretty good about it. So we'd also, should say, I'd engaged a fellow doula, had just started doing videography and photography, just separate to her doula work. I thought, actually, in the pregnancy prior to all of this, I decided that, well, actually I'd love to have it on video. but I just wanted it to be the right person. thought she's lovely. She's a dual. She already knows how to be in the birth space without being interfering. So I engaged her and she attends free birth. So I did tell her like the change of plan. I said, look, just so you know, this could be a free birth now. And she was like, yeah, great. You know, go for it. So she was probably the only person we really had to keep in the loop about what was happening. So yeah, leading up to, guess I can probably go into how it started. It's not to say I didn't feel like nervous feelings or fear at times. Like it wasn't really fearful, but it was like, you know, how is this going to eventuate? But I just kept telling myself it'll all unfold how it's meant to. This has all happened for a reason. My baby, like I've really felt guided by my baby. And for the first time in my life, I felt so intuitive. I was like, this baby is telling me. they want to be born at home. I'm just trusting this process. I trust myself. I trust that I'll know if something's wrong and I just it was like a constant mantra for three weeks. And I got to I remember I got to 39 and six and I was like hmm there's no baby yet. Like this is so weird you expect to have your second baby earlier than your first you know. I was like no baby. And then I woke up on my due date still no baby and I went I felt really good in the morning like I was like growing my body, like I always say to my dealer clients, like, you should be so proud of your body for growing a baby to full term, right? Like what an incredible thing. We all demonize this dreaded due date if we meet it, but how good? Started the day feeling really good, booked a massage, went and had a massage, but I think because it was my due date and maybe some people knew, I think family must have known, all of a sudden had people like checking in on me, like, how are you going? Still pregnant? You know, that sort of jazz. yeah, yeah. And I started getting really irritated in the afternoon. was like, Oh my God, like I don't want to talk to anyone. Just leave me alone. I went for this like walk in the afternoon. said to my husband, I just got to get out of the house. I'm going to take the dog for a walk. The dog was annoying me. She kept wanting to stop and sniff things. The neighbor wanted to chat and I'm such a friendly person normally, but I was like, Oh my God, I just don't want to chat. I don't want you to ask how far along I am. So grumpy. And going to bed that night, was like, maybe it's the start of labor. Like I'm pretty on edge. Yeah. And I was meant to be meeting up with one of my best friends the next day and I was like, you know, you're at that point of pregnancy. You're like, I'll let you know in the morning if I'm still pregnant and then go ahead with our plans. Anyway, I woke up and nothing, nothing was new. I was like, okay, still pregnant. So I'm 40 plus one at this point. I messaged her and said, we're all good for today. And I should mention my son got gastro two days before. And then my husband caught gastro and I was like petrified of getting it. I'm like, I cannot get gastro right now. I cannot go into labor with gastro. I had all these things. Oh, like truly. No, unfortunately it did happen to my best friend a month later. Oh my goodness. I'd somehow avoided it. Like I said, you guys are sleeping in the spare room. Stay away from me. And you know, but I was so worried about them and still attending to them. And that morning, yeah, I'd up text my friend. I was a bit crampy, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. And my husband walked in with my son and was like, I think we're good finally. Yeah. Clear. And I was like, thank God. Yeah. And then it was like, all of sudden I was like, just so I am pretty crampy this morning. And it's like my cramps just all of sudden picked up. Hmm. Interesting. Like no, no, you know, contractions coming and going just like. period cramps a bit more intense than they had been. And I went to the toilet and lost my mucus plug or some of my mucus plug popped out and I was like, okay, this is cool. Like super excited. But I was like, you know what? The sun's coming up though. And that's very abnormal. You know, as we know melatonin increases oxytocin. So normally labor kicks off at night. I said to my husband, look, this is really exciting, but it could just peter out. And I was almost like half expecting it to peter out because it was just period cramps at that point. And also we know that mucus plugs not a given that you're about to go into labor. So there was no blood this time as well, which was different. You you expect you to follow the same trajectory, but there was no bloody show. It was just a bit of mucus plug. But then I got back in bed and I did start having like contractions and I was like, Ooh, definitely having contractions. But you know, they were pretty space. I didn't time them, you know? But it started to get pretty exciting and my husband was like, so should I call my mom and tell her? Cause she was going to take us son. We didn't want him there particularly given that it was just going to be us. wanted Cameron's focus on me. And I was like, no, not yet. Like it might like, this was about six AM. was like, no, cause it might not eventuate. Like, let's just give it a bit more time to know that it's actually happening. And then he went to the toilet and my son was on me and he was like, trying to get my attention and try and play with me on point. was having this like, which was obviously a contraction and I couldn't concentrate on him and I was just like, Oh my God, I need to just stop talking for a moment. And I text my husband, even though he was literally in the next room on the toilet, but I was like, I think you need a queen mom and just let her know. like all of a sudden my head was like, no, this is, this is eventuate. this is a dream being. Yeah. But I think I was still in denial for about the first hour. Anyway, he called his mom and she was like, yeah, no worries. I've got a haircut at nine. Should I come and pick him up at about 10? Cameron was like, do you think that's going to be okay? And I'm like, yeah, like it should be fine, I guess. And then all of a sudden those contractions, just they were rolling like it was game on. And I'm definitely in labor. know, I don't know how we weren't really timing, but I said, you're to have to call your mom back and tell her to come earlier. Yeah. And so I think that was about seven. She was like, oh, OK, I'll come and get him. And I'd let Lana know who was coming to the photography. said, just so you know, like, I think I'm in early labor and I felt really good. I should say no fear was coming out. was like, yeah, we're good. Like, yeah, felt confident. My mother-in-law came in seven thirty. I had to keep like going away to go and have contraction and come out and have a chat, you say goodbye to my son. And like that's such an emotional thing. Yeah. It all like, my gosh, this is the last time you're going to be my only baby. Yes. So, yeah, so beautiful. And he was quite clingy. He loves his grandma. So was really beautiful for him to just be excited to go off. I said, see you later. And then it was like from then we will we were on, know, the connections were so hard and fast. I had a birth sling. Loved that. said my husband was so good. He just like once my son was gone. He just like turned all the lights off, closed the curtains, put the fairy lights on, put some calm music on, set up the bursary. have been some good videos that he'd watched. You have to ask him what he watched. I know. think he also like, you know, always talking about birth. He's like, I didn't even have to tell him a thing. know, he just, wow, so good. But Boyd was that labor intense, like it just kicked off and they were just like on top of each other. It was so consuming. And my mantra to myself was just like, let it consume me, like just let it happen. I was standing most of the time, I was swaying with the help of the birth sling and in a real squatting position. But it was still, you know, hard to tell like, Where are we out here? And I still hadn't had a bloody show. In my head, I was overthinking it. I'm like, why haven't I had a bloody show yet? Bloody shows can be a great sign of cervical dilation, you know? And because my labor had kicked off with that in the beginning, I'm like, am I not even inactive labor? Like, is this still early labor? You know? This is insane. Like, this is so intense. And so just overthinking it. And I'd even told Lana, like, maybe don't come yet. Like, I don't know. I don't really know. don't want anyone in my space too early. Like I just really wanted her in the background capturing. But yeah, then I got to a point where I was like, now yeah, come after school drop. Like she's like, I'll be there about 830. Yeah. called it tonight. was like, yep, sounds good. And yeah, it just took over. Like I was, I was roaring. I remember like at one point closing the toilet. windows to try and block sound from my neighbors because this is like mid-morning right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely roaring the house out. I'm not a quiet laborer. Yeah. Just letting it go like I just there was no calm breathing. I was calm in a sense in that I was but I was just letting it happen, you know. Very primal and I was standing up roaring at one point in the mid contraction and my waters broke all over the floor. Yeah. Which is a really cool sensation for me because I, my water's broken the water last time and the just before I really get to experience that. I remember just like stopping mid contraction like, whoa, okay. And then Cameron's like, what's wrong? like, my water's are broken. Can you fill the bath? Like I need to get to the bath. And it was at that moment that Lana arrived and she walked in, she's like, whoa, like she did not expect to turn up to me. I think the baby's coming. She's like, yeah, okay. I'm like, yeah, okay. So I've run to the bath in between contractions. were truly back to back. Like I just remember wishing I could have a break. Got in the bath while it was still running and bless Lana at one point when I got into the bath, she's like, all right, why don't you just try taking some slow calm breaths and keeping your voice like low, like, you know, just with the best of intentions. You should realize how far along I was. And I looked at her and I was like, like, you know, my voice is like my biggest outlet at the moment. She didn't realize I was probably too far gone for that. It was good in that little bit of reprieve. I probably had the biggest space between a contraction in that moment, kneeling in the bath. And I did take some slow breaths, but once that contraction came, I was back to just like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I felt him, we didn't know the gender, felt babe so low. And I don't think I realised how close I was, but I'm like, can feel hair. All of sudden I felt that big stretch, like I'd just gotten in the bath. Big stretch happening and I was doing like the panting to try and slow Bub's head coming out, because I really wanted to avoid tearing this time if I could. A lot of active pushing with Charlie. I had some tears. Panting, panting to slow it down. And then next thing the head was out and I was like, the heads out, like the bath was like not, I should say it really wasn't full enough. But Bob, said to Cameron in the moment, you need to make sure Bob's head stays under the water. He was on that. He was like, yep, no worries. Lana had like managed to get a camera set up to capture the final minute. And yeah, next, next contraction, I pushed again, you know, fetal ejection. was just. Bob came out, but I thought Bob was all the way out. So I've gone to turn over and Cameron's like, no, no, no, babe's still inside you. He'd just been birthed to about his hip. And so I still had to push the legs out. then, yeah, I pushed again. gave it, you know, an active push then to get Bob out and then flipped over and Cameron, yeah, had caught him and brought him up to my chest. He was here. It was just like three hours. Three hours from that first moment. yeah, it was like just insane. Best moment of my life. So cool. but yeah, he didn't come out crying and you know, I was just chatting, like, like looking at him and all being like, Hey baby, you know, and then I realized his cord was around his neck. So I quickly unraveled that. And that like, in the moment that really didn't feel like a big deal, you know, just was like, yep, cool. I'll unravel that. But he really was quiet. He wasn't, he wasn't, he was a bit gurgly. and he wasn't crying and he was a bit like, you know, a bit purpley, a bit blue. And it's like, okay, it would be good to stimulate him a bit more. So I was just doing my own stimulation, you know, just talking to him, rubbing his back a little bit, kissing him all over his face, blowing in his face a little bit. Just thought I'd love to just get that bit more reassurance from him that he's good. Like I could see that he was good. He was looking around, but just not that solid reassurance. Yeah. And Cameron was sort of like, is he, like, you know, is he all right? I'm like, I think so. And, know, we, didn't expect to call on Lana in any capacity beyond, obviously she's a doula, but you know, she's not going to provide any medical advice. Yeah. To her at one point, like, what do you think? She was like, you know, she wasn't really here or there about it. said, oh, maybe we'll call Sarah. That's my midwife. Like I felt, in that moment. And so why don't we just call her and check. but we got this other midwife, Sarah, that was prone had been diverted. And I think she was just confused. She was a bit like, rude and I think she was just confused about what was happening. You know, she was sort of like, well, what, like what's happened? You've had this baby at home, this baby not breathing. And Cameron was trying to explain what was happening. And whilst this conversation was happening, I'm looking at my baby and I'm like, he's fine. Like I actually feel like he is fine. And this conversation is just ruining my bubble. Like I'm actually don't, I just, In the end I said, look, I actually think he's fine. She was great. She was just trying to help. I think he's fine. I'm just going to end this call. I don't want to call an ambulance or anything. I think he's good. And we got off that call and he all of a sudden just latched to my boob and started feeding. then I could just, like, it was the most perfect latch and just fed. And was like him just being like, I'm good. I'm just, you know, like I'm fine. And Sarah, the midwife did end up calling back. She'd gotten out of a Pilates class and, and she's like, She was so thrilled for me. She was great. She was like, you're amazing. She's like, if baby's feeding, he is completely fine. And it was just the most beautiful reassurance from my baby to just be like, I'm good. And it was a shame that we had to make that call, but no regrets. Like that's me being on guard. And I guess that's the thing when you are choosing to birth unassisted, you're kind of taking on that responsibility. You can't just be in complete glory when they come out. You've got to actually look at your baby and be like, how are they? Are they responsive? know, that's me right now. Totally on me. Yeah. so yeah. And after that, it was just, it was really magic. I could just soak in like, holy shit. Like I just had my baby just in my bathtub. It was just so cool. yeah, I ended up getting out of the bathroom after half an hour and moved to our bed to birth percent. I didn't rush it. I wasn't, I was starting to get contractions, but I didn't really want to push too much. But in the end, was kind of sick of it being in there. So I got on the bed and got on all fours and gave a bit more of a push. And yet it popped out. It was so funny. My husband was trying to get the bowl below me in time and he didn't make it. And then I'm like, well, you're just going to have to grab it and put it in the bowl. Bare hands picks up my placenta like, Shaggy piece of meat. He was so down for anything, bless him, was so good. And yeah, and then like just that feeling like you would know it, you just get to be in your home, in your bed with your new baby, just wow, like the ultimate high, ultimate high. was just, it was unreal. And it was really was nice to have Lana there then, because she just like, when it made me a bowl of food, while Cameron was with me, know, and helped me get into my shower and Like, oh, that shower, you know, I handed after a while, I should say we cut the cord, like ages and we had a cord tie Cameron cut it, you know, on his own. It's so funny. That's the one thing people always ask about when we say we birthed at home unassisted. They're like, what about the placenta in the cord? Well, we just sterilize some scissors and cut it. Yeah. You know, like it's like this great thing. And yeah, he had his skin to skin and I went and had a shower and we've got a beautiful outlook over our yard from our shower and just standing in there like. What the hell just happened? Like it's a Tuesday morning. I'm standing in my shower, having this beautiful warm shower. Just birthed my baby. Like it's just, it was just so euphoric and... of our life. Yeah, it was just the best. What a wild journey. Holy moly. Like, I feel like, yeah, I think I won't be alone when people listen to this. feel like a woman, like a roller coaster. I kind of, mean, that's just hearing about it. You actually went on the roller coaster of like, you're in, you're out, you're in, you're out. Yes, no, maybe. my gosh. And then yeah, for it to all like, yeah, boil down to, what did you say? Three hours. Three hours. Three hours, like that's what the argument was over about three hours basically. Exactly. it's the most simple, natural thing, like all that stress. And I, of course, I understand it to a degree, but yeah, anyway, the whole journey, like as far as everything happens for a reason, like everything happened for a reason. It was such a tortuous journey, but I don't regret it in the sense that it led to the most perfect birth. Like I think that was actually how it was meant to pan out. And I would not have known that at the start of pregnancy if someone told me you were going to have a free birth, I wouldn't have, or an unassisted birth is how I... choose to phrase it. believed them. Everything happened to get us to the point where we were ready to take that step and take it into our own hands. Yeah, it was incredible. What a beautiful, beautiful journey and story and so beneficial, I think, for people to hear about the whole GBS schmuzzle. And you mentioned a really awesome resource by Dr. Sarah Wickham that I'll make sure I link so people understand that I because I had two home births here in Victoria, I feel like I didn't really have so much pressure about the GBS. But I think in Victoria, it is routinely swabbed. I think it's like broad everyone gets it unless you decline. So important if you're listening to check maybe if you know, if you're not really sure what the process is, just so you're aware but yeah, and I know on the is it the Great Birth Rebellion or the midwives cauldron there's also a GBS episode. That's quite handy. Yeah, great episode. listened to that. Yeah. Yeah. episode. That and GBS explain were really helpful. Yeah. Yeah. Is there anything that we haven't talked about that you feel like you want to talk about or you want people to know that are listening or anything like that? Hmm. No, I don't think so. I guess with these publicly funded home birth programs, I think they're really incredible initiative. And I think it is really great that they're making home birth accessible. But I guess I definitely say now to anyone, if you really want a home birth, that's really important to you. And you want a midwife present, go the private route, like spend your money. And that's easier said than done, right? Because it's a big outlay. And that was a big factor for us. But there's no guarantees with the publicly funded Home Birth Program. They're in control. Just remember that they're in control. And there's a lot of beautiful stories that come out of it. And I hope to support some as a doula, you know, but yeah, I guess just if it's really important to you, spend the money on a private midwife, I would say. Yeah. Well, thank you so, so much for taking the time on your Sunday morning to share this brilliant story of the birth of Charlie and Remy. I'm really grateful. you. Thank you. Thank you for the podcast. love listening to it. So it's pretty cool to be on it now. Thank you so much, Tegan. See ya.